So, I haven't written in quite awhile. Partly because it's a pain in the behind to hook up the internet now that we are paying for it, and partly because there have been too many things on my mind and I didn't even know where to start.
Table Of Contents:
1. Cheating?
2. Weight.
3. Depression
CHAPTER 1: CHEATING?
More than once this past week Aaron has come home later than he said he would. This is the second night in a row that he has come home around 10pm. Today, he told me at about 1pm that he had a pretty easy day and would be home around 6pm. He called the Sears warehouse at 5:42pm but when I tried to call him 17 minutes later he didn't answer the phone. I tried calling him at least 12 times between 6pm and 10pm and I sent him a text asking to please call me. At first I was upset that he wasn't home and not answering the phone, then I got worried. So worried, in fact, that I hooked up the internet and checked to see if he was in jail, the hospital, or stuck in traffic. I even texted his partner he was working with today and got no answer. When he did finally walk in the door, he was acting odd, I can't explain it really, just not himself. He said that he had just got off work and then he took Curtis home. When I asked where his phone was he said it was in his tool bag in the trunk of the car. I told him he should have called me. I looked in his tool bag and got the phone and it was shut off, but it showed all the missed calls from me up until 9:32pm. If he had shut his phone off at that time and put it in his bag and then into the trunk, there's NO WAY that he could've taken Curtis home in Stone Mountain and then driven back home by 10pm. When I asked him what he was doing he immediately got defensive. NOT a good sign. Also, both times that he came home late this past week he walked in the door and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower... Am I being paranoid?
CHAPTER 2: WEIGHT
It's finally hit me. I'm fat. I feel disgusting. I hate looking at myself. I have gained about 7 pounds in the past 3 weeks. I'm supposed to be in a wedding in 5 weeks and I pray to God that I still fit in my dress. Also, my 10 year class reunion is at the end of August. I don't want them to see me. I don't even want to leave the house, which brings me to my next point.
CHAPTER 3: DEPRESSION
I've been really down lately. I don't know why, but at the same time I do know why but have no energy to try and resolve my issues. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to see anybody. I can't even find the will to take a shower unless I have to go to work. The past few weeks I've probably only showered 4 times total. I stay in my pajamas all day. I want to lose weight. I want to quit smoking. I want to move into a different house. I want to have a day to myself. I want to SCREAM!!!!
There is still so much more I have to say, but it is after midnight now and I want to lay down.
Maybe more tomorrow. Maybe.
